I've been a good little worker bee, I deserve a gold star.

It may be too hard, to take it easy -
It may be too easy not to work so hard.

I never thought I'd be this alone.

I want to be with someone who cares for me -
Family loves, but doesn't care.

Overthinking, overthinking...

Incomplete...

I can't sleep I have no outlet.
I keep too much in, there's no one here.
No one to hear me.
She was wonderful once I think...

What happened to that?
She would be happy just to see me.
Now a present is what makes her smile.
Bearing gift, I come to give them.
To see her smile is worth it, I thought.

Now I think this isn't true.
Now I would give anything to see my smile, with just her.
No one else, she would be perfect.
We have been together so long, it would be easier to stay.
Wouldn't it be?

Will I be able to find anyone new?
I'm difficult. I'm average. I'm stubborn.
I joke too much, work too much, and don't complain...
Okay, I complain.
Who will want me?

How can I say goodbye to a safe thing?
How do I say goodbye to something familiar?
I will miss this regardless.

bleh.

tired.

i work to the bone
you don't work at all
you are never home
i am all alone

i wish that you could see
what you make me do
how you make me feel
it's not worth it either way

Music for me.

Okay I went to a concert last Sunday with my brother, a belated birthday present from him. Now, for me to go to a concert is something special. I don't think I show it much, but I am very into the music I'm into. I am not very genre specific I just love great lyrics and entertaining tunes (however most of my library is bitchy pop-punk, I loves me my songs-about-a-girl, which is about 87% of the Genre). I do however find some time in my other life as a gangsta to participate in the listening-to of rap music.

As I stated earlier, going to a concert is something special for me. I hate crowds of sweaty people and standing for hours on end, I get that enough at work. I also don't quite love live music. However, if I have that deep connection to that artist I've probably only downloaded and not purchased or if I know I will have an end-all-be-all good time I will go see them. This past Sunday was one of those wonderful exceptions. the headlining act was Lupe Fiasco, all 1-2 of my possible readers do google him, please take that away with this blog. And no matter how much I enjoy his music, or his performance for that matter (It was amazing, sung 3-5 songs without even saying hi to the crowd, focused as ... well, he was focused). What really impressed me was his opening act, B.o.B. (AkA Bobby Ray). He was without a doubt the best performance I've seen all year (Mind you I don't go to shows and it is still quite early in the year, but still).

He presented himself to both the people who didn't know him and those that know his insanely popular single ("nothing on you") as another ATL rapper (A rapper from Georgia). He was, however an artist. He came on stage, rapped a song or two and stepped off. As he made his way back on stage he had an electric guitar in hand, it was at this point I was sold, but he kept on going. He commented on how others had told him to put the guitar down and just rap and how he responded with continuing to pursue his musical aspirations. What followed his introduction of the guitar were not just rap songs with a little string. They were something along the lines of a 90s-sounding, reggae influenced, SKA sounding, mega mash-up of genres. And my G-d did it sound good. He later continued performing while playing an acoustic guitar as well as being supported by a full band. He didn't only have talent but also stage presence. He was energetic, fun and sounded great live. I have suffered through many an opening act, in the little concerts I've attended, but B.o.B was nothing of the sort. I knew not one song, and he never lost my attention.

Timeless.

Personal Journal of Harold Elijah Less, Private in the Militia Enforcement

Bookfour.

Dayonetwentyfive, the days are drifting together. They were once separate but are now one. It's no longer Twenty four, seven. It's Now Twentyfourseven, Onesixtyeight. Things aren't looking the same either. They don't smell or taste like they used to. I just am, but nothing seems to want to be.

Dayonetwentyseven, and I don't know what time. It's light out but I can't remember if it has been for some time. When you have no one to rest for, nothing to rest for it's as if you don't need to anymore. I don't go out at night anymore. It's not safe anymore. Ever since Noah didn't return I was left to fend for my self. I search for scraps when I remember I'm supposed to eat. This occurs when I lose hours of my day, but know I haven't slept. Where do they go? Where did everyone go?

Dayonethirty, I think. I remembered. I was reminded what it was like to be with another. They were warm to the touch. Soft, mostly. This won't last long.

Dayonethrityfive, I know I'm writing. I know their watching. I'm not safe. I'm in hourfiftyfour/houronesixtyeight since my last blac--

Dayonetwentynine, I've gone back. That's where I go. I don't know how I know; I just know I've gone back. It's not the first time. That's why I am no longer able to maintain a sleep regiment. Sleep is for those that wake in the future. Sleep is everyone's personal time machine. My mind is mine.

Dayonethirtyseven, Where have I been, I wish I knew. Honestly. If only I knew where I was, I could find out were I've been all this time and why I'm here. I miss the feeling. Any feeling really even pain. I can't feel anything and I miss that.

Dayonefourty, I haven't seen it. It's been missing since that entry. I can't think straight, not anymore. There's a link, someone is in my thoughts. I'm alone and I'm being watched, but I AM alone.

Daytwelve, Listen me. I'm here. I'm with you. Wake up! It's not to late to escape. Jude can be saved. As well as Noah. You just have to break away. You control the scope of things. Take yourself away, bring yourself back. Look back. Don't log blindly, look at what you write. Look at what I write. There is no sequence. They make there be no sequence. I feel you taking hold. Look back! Loo--

Dayonefortyone. I don't think I belong here.

End Journal, Bookfour

Up somewhere

My plans feel through today and I made the most of it. I didn't get to hang out with someone I wanted to, but my defaults are always there. I love my core of friends. Happy all parts are back together.We watched Alien today. Alien was, well it was made in 1979 and Sigourney Weaver has not aged since. I think she's a ... dun, dun, dun, ALIEN!

I don't have much to say, I'm in a good mood, wish I had the opportunity to cheer others up. And also, Avatar was good. Not AMAZING! It was however enjoyable. Same with Sherlock Holmes. I want to see "Up in the Air."

Addiction

Addiction

Here is a particular tale, of a man in love. A genre writhing with experience yes. This love story is however a compilation. A tale of a man. No scratch that, a boy. A boy in love with not one, but man that becomes a man who is unable to his true love. His charm, is a charm that’s irresistible, a whit that is unmatched. He keeps companionship often, but finds true love never. It is because when someone loves almost anyone, how is he to find the one that is meant to be.

Ever since a young age, an attraction to the opposite sex was present. From love notes to puppy love he had the pick of the litter. As he grew so did his willingness to indulge his romantic tendencies. However, as he began to flourish, his heart began to wonder. Faithful in body, he was absent in mind. A single girl was unable to obtain his attention, not as if he was unwilling to bestow it upon them. In his time of passion he was in full blown love. In time of solitude he was in constant discontent. In search of his next, but not likely his last companion.

Through his youth, he was unsatisfied. Whether they be play dates in his childhood or a casual get-together in his adulthood, he was unsatisfied. With each love and there in loss of said love, came an even greater disappointment. It not being “the love” of his life, rather “a love” of his life took a toll on his heart. By the half point in his life he had fallen in and out of love to often to recall, but he knew his love would always remain. In hopes of saving his heart from additional torment he attempted to maintain a simple life, showing no sign of feelings. He however could not fight who he was.

After years of trying his chance at love he finally tried his chance at life, but a life without love, left him empty. He wanted a wife, he wanted kids, and he wanted a family. But life had passed him by and those he did love knew how special they were. He had not gained the family he wanted, but he did warrant the love he desired. In his passing came a remembrance from those he once loved, those he truly, always did love. He could not stop the passing of his life just as he could not stop the love he had created. He lived, in spite of his best attempts, in a constant state of love, just as he will be remembered.